The Questions that Matter
I love therapy. Some of my greatest self-discoveries come out of these 1-hour appointments. Sometimes when it is a good session, I do not want them to end but I also get excited about more of the self-work that I need to do. One thing that is sometimes semi-annoying is when they just keep asking you questions. “What does that mean to you?” “How does that make you feel?” Then I am just like “this is the exact reason why I am here. I am paying you to tell me the answers.” I would say the best therapists are great listeners and guides. They guide you to figuring out why you are affected and how you are affected by just asking you questions because when someone asks you a question your brain will automatically try and find the right answer. If a therapist asks you a question like “what do you need to do in order for this to not affect you anymore?” You are more likely to be impacted by your answer than someone just telling you what to do because you believe it was your idea and not someone else’s. The ego is a funny, but necessary thing. I wish I could see a therapist every single week, but skilled people are expensive people so I go when I can. The beautiful thing is that you can learn how to ask yourselves the right questions to guide you through life as well.
One of my main focuses during this quarantine period is developing myself to be a more well-rounded holistic lifestyle coach. I finished my Holistic Lifestyle Coaching certification and it is lighting me up, just like personal training did in the beginning. I love new challenges and progression. I have felt for a while that my business, Redefined MVMT, was a great idea but not truly an extension of me. I want my business to be an extension of myself and I want to be able to use all of my skills and experience to add value and help people. So I wanted to rebrand my business to encompass a more “holistic” approach.
The reason why I love the word holistic is not just because I recently got my Holistic Lifestyle Coach, but because of the root word, “Holos”. What holos means is “whole” and “inner peace”. That is something that drives me in my life. I would consider myself a very spiritual person, which includes a Christian background but I am now also studying Eastern Philosophy and getting so much joy out of that. Much of the work that I am doing on myself is to find peace through meditation, faith, and mindset. If I could help other people find peace in themselves and help them feel whole and complete, full of purpose and life, and healthy all at the same time then I would feel like my purpose is being fulfilled. That is my approach to holistic. I want people to feel whole in their personal life, work life, and even spiritual life.
But when you have an idea, you start to realize what kind of friends you have. There are going to be mean friends, which are people that would shut down your idea even if they do not notice that is what they are doing. Probably not a good idea to tell them your idea. You will also have nice friends, which are people that will not tell you that your idea is horrible even when it is. Then when you look back and see that they were just trying to be nice, sometimes you think “you could have just told me that was not good.” You will also hopefully have the good friends, which are people that will guide you in the right direction even if it hurts. They just want your success and they will call out the greatness inside of you. Well, I noticed that I have really nice good friends because no one shut down my “not the best” ideas for the brand name.
First iteration, “Holistic Hipster”, because I thought it might be cool to be an edgy person in fitness that was wearing a denim jacket while doing animal flow and working with some kettlebells. Then soon after hopping on a fixed gear bike riding through the mission. Not quite me. Ok, I thought, what about “Holistic Hypebeast”. It can be a cool and stylish health brand. But then I thought, “sounds kinda douchey and expensive”. So nope. None of my friends turned down my ideas, they just kept making me dig deeper.
I had to ask myself the important questions. What kind of business do I want to build? How do I want to build it? How does it relate to my own personal story?
I got it. The business will be called “Holistic Hero”. But, I want to be clear, that I never want it to be called “The Holistic Hero”. My intention will never be to be someone else’s hero. The definition of hero in storytelling refers to the protagonist of the story. I want to help people become the protagonist in their own story. I want to help guide them to reaching their personal best in health, work, and happiness.
Questions are great because they help you find direction, but some questions can also help you find purpose, meaning, and motivation. Those are the questions that matter.
I am doing a business course with someone named Rob Dial, who has a podcast called “The Mindset Mentor”. The course is called “Business on Purpose”. In our very first session, he taught us all how to journal and showed us the importance. Before, journaling was something that I use to shy away from. I never saw myself as someone having that “Dear Diary” conversation. The way he taught us to journal, however, is by asking a question that is either on your mind or will help you direct your focus and troubleshoot your fears and anxieties.
The process is called going “7 Layers Deep”. You start with one question, then you keep asking yourself more questions until you are 7 layers deep into your question. Making sure that you are asking questions that are empowering like “How can I make the most out of the situation I am in?” Instead of “Why did this happen to me?” I will take you through my process so you can see how it all impacted me.
Day 1 of Business on Purpose
Why am I doing this? I want to create the life that I truly want (who doesn’t. Very surface level answer)
What does that mean? I want financial freedom, influence, passion and purpose. (Ok, that is a little bit better but still not deep at all. So no real motivation)
Why do you not feel that way now? I am still hustling hard to barely make it. My family does not quite yet believe in me. I feel embarrassed and shameful. (Now starting to uncover the deep pain inside)
Why are you not proud? I feel like I don’t measure up to standards in my family and who I need to be I sometimes feel like a failure and that I am not on the right track. (Not empowering, but it was deep. I do have an amazing family and I know that my dad, step-mom, brother, and sister want my success.)
Who told you that you were not where you should be? My family and myself. (They never told me that I was not where I should be, but sometimes it feels that way if they mention other careers that I should do instead of fitness. I know it is never their intention to make me feel frustrated because I know that they just care and if I asked my dad for help in any way that he would help me right away).
Why does their acknowledgement matter to you? I want to feel like I matter to them. I want to make them proud. I want Gia to be inspired to live her absolute best life. (Before my motivation in doing well with my business was to prove my family wrong that I could build a business with something that I love. So I was moved by bitterness, but when I got this deep I was now moved by compassion. Instead of wanting to prove them wrong I just want to make them proud. Way healthier. Gia is my baby sister who is turning 10 years old and I want to show her what is possible in life.)
Why does your success matter to others? I want people to live the lives they were created for, they deserve it. I want people to find peace and I want them to feel whole in themselves. (I think this a great question for everyone to ask themselves. How can you change the world? How will you leave an impact on those around you?)
What is so special about this process is that, even on the first day, my motivation changed from being fueled by a bitterness and a “prove you wrong'' mentality to a “how can I give back to the people that have given me my life” mentality. I started dreaming of what it would be like to take my family on a trip, even in a year, and pay for everything. And the last question got me really thinking about how I want to give back to the rest of the world.
I saved a message from someone on IG the other day. They said, “I’m starting to feel like I have a purpose. To help others. And I feel with the dedication you have to your clients and helping others is amazing.” I live for these moments. You never know who you are impacting.
Another memory that came up was when I was a part of a mission trip in Vietnam. One of the most impactful experiences I have ever had was going to an orphanage in Vietnam. We were preparing these gifts, songs, and skits to give to these kids. But, I do not think I am alone in saying that we got so much more back in return.
These kids had nothing. There were only a few bikes for the whole orphanage and barely any of them had a bag for their books. They had all these bumps, scabs, and bruises all over their skin. Yet they were filled with so much joy to see Americans come to show them peace, kindness, and let them know that they mattered. I hope that we can all know that we matter and if you do not believe that, I want you to try. These kids lit up when they saw us, but what was more powerful than the sheer beauty of this experience was the power of bitterness that they had experienced before the orphanage.
Photos by Praise Santos from Come Plum
The story starts with a family that did not really have much resources, but just a vision and a dream that God put on their hearts. They wanted to create an orphanage for the kids around them in Vietnam, so they needed funding and the resources. They found someone to be their main investor, but after just a few months that person had to back out. So they told these kids, whom were so young that they could no longer provide for them. They needed to go back home. The kids responded by just letting the family know that they would rather be in the orphanage and starve to death than go back home from where they came. They told the family that they would pray and fast there until God finds a way. That was years ago and I hope they are still doing ok now.
On that day, I left being touched in ways that I never thought I would. That was not just a highlight of my trip, but a highlight of my life. I left with a dream to teach movement to kids in third world countries. When I ask myself, “why does my success matter to others?” That is why. People need to know that they matter. Kids need to know that they are worthy to be visiting and appreciated. These are the questions that drive my motivation that wakes me up before my alarm clock in the morning to get to work and to grow to make my vision come to life.
Questions that matter are the questions that you ask yourself that help you find a reason for your being. Questions that matter help you navigate the purpose in your life. Questions that matter make you want to bring your absolute best self to every thing that you do from your work, family, self-care, and every other relationship that you have.
So I need to ask you, what are the questions that matter to you?